How to Set Goals as a Mom

By this point in my life, I've been setting goals as a mom longer than I've been setting goals without kids (at least if you only count my adult goal-setting years!). Setting goals in the midst of a busy family life is not for the faint of heart, but I'm here to say that it is also totally, completely, 100% worth it. Setting goals as a mom—both for myself, individually, and for my family—has helped bring peace, confidence, joy, satisfaction, meaning, and purpose to my role and to my life for the last decade. I'm so grateful.

That's not to say, however, that setting goals as a mom has been simple, straightforward, or without frustration. The season of life with kids at home comes with unique challenges and opportunities. Understanding them—and learning to work with or around them—can lessen your frustration and increase your joy as a goal setter (and your success rate!).

So that's what we're going to do today! In honor of my oldest daughter's tenth birthday (and therefore, my tenth anniversary as a goal-setting mom), I wanted to share ten guidelines for setting goals as a mom. I hope they bless you as much as they've blessed me! 

1. Consider your season. 

Every period of parenthood (pregnancy, then raising infants, toddlers, elementary schoolers, tweens, teens, and beyond) comes with pros and cons when it comes to setting and achieving goals.

For example, having a newborn might make it harder to get out of the house—but you might have lots of opportunities to read on your Kindle while nursing. A house full of teenagers, on the other hand, might mean you're rarely at home but can easily listen to podcasts while ferrying kids around town.

Sit down with a pad of paper and write down the challenges and opportunities—mental, physical, logistic, emotional—of the season you're in. Even if you feel overwhelmed or like you're not sure where goals could fit into your life right now, this will hopefully help you see that every season comes with opportunities. There is freedom and joy in accepting our limits... and in finding creative ways to do the seeming impossible.

2. Start with why.

As a mom, the heart of the home, it can be hard to prioritize things that seem to matter only to you or that take resources away from your people. You might feel guilty, sad, hesitant, or tired. This emotional resistance is normal, and common: you feel it because you love your family! 

A helpful reframe: your goals are not in competition with your motherhood; they are part of how you live it out. They make you more whole, happy, and healthy, able to thrive and to help the people around you thrive, too.

To push back against feelings of guilt, take the time to write out a strong, personally compelling WHY for each of your goals. If it helps, connect the why to your family (though this isn't necessary!).

For example, you might say, "I want to strength train three times a week because I want my body to be strong and healthy. A strong, healthy body will help me love my kids and grandkids long into the future." Or, "I want to host book club each month because I a happier, more joyful mom when I'm filled-up by spending time with my friends."

3. Get creative about the how.

There's no one as creative as a mom trying to figure out how to get something done! Instead of deferring to how other people achieve goals or how you think it should be done, get creative. Think outside the box. Get wild!

As a tiny example, I wanted to start lifting weights when my oldest was a toddler. As a first step, I moved my 10 lb free weights to the bathroom and did bicep curls and arm raises while she took her evening bath. There was no fancy gym in sight, and I eventually moved onto a more complex set-up, but it all grew out of those humble beginnings!

Think through your day. How might you plug in your goals and habits to what you already do? What could be combined, swapped out, or piggybacked? Pay special attention to your predictable rhythms (school drop-off, bedtime routines) and how they could become anchors in your day for new habits.

4. Name the full and floor.

This piece of advice comes from Brooke and TJ on the Walk in Love podcast. When thinking through sticking to their habits in less-than-ideal circumstances (which could describe a lot of family life!), they find it helpful to name a full and floor—and I have, too. The basic idea is to name, in advance, what 100% completion of a habit looks like, and what, say, 25% completion looks like.

For example, let's say you have a goal to eat healthily. 100%—your full—might look like an egg and veggie scramble for breakfast, a protein-packed lunch, a homemade dinner, and no snacking in between. 25%—your floor—might look like a protein bar for breakfast, lunch on the go, and a homemade dinner. Naming—and then sticking to—the floor means that you stay on track even if you don't hit the full.

James Clear touts the same idea: "reduce the scope but stick to the schedule." 

5. Tell someone about your goals.

It's easy to feel, as a mom, that no one knows, sees, or cares about your goals. But that's just not true! And if we give into that lie, it has real consequences: research shows that incorporating accountability is a successful strategy for developing habits and achieving goals.

For me, accountability most consistently looks like posting my monthly goals on my personal blog every month. I've been doing this for 15+ years, and it's a huge part of any success I've had. Inviting my husband into my goals, especially exercise ones, has also been really powerful. (Though not always fun in the moment—accountability can hurt so good, ha!)

For more on accountability, head to this blog post.

6. Invite your kids into your goals.

Speaking of inviting people in—don't forget your kids! For most moms, if we try to accomplish something only in the times when we're away from our kids, it will never happen—or at least, progress will be very slow. 

Instead, invite them to come along. Don't be afraid of letting your kids see you work toward your goals. Invite them to watercolor beside you. Invite them to scooter by your side while you run. Invite them to play by your side while you organize a closet. 

Model working hard toward things that matter. Tell them why this goal or habit is important to you. Demonstrate passion, grit, and hard work! They might roll their eyes, but they also won't forget it.

7. Make your environment work for you.

Moms have enough working against us—let's make the spaces we inhabit be on our side! There are so many creative ways to do this, and they can be extremely powerful. From intentionally adding cues that lead to positive behaviors to making cues that lead to positive behaviors more obvious to hiding cues that lead to negative behaviors, I have had so much success with this strategy over the years.

One tiny example: reading aloud to my kids matters to me. Because of this, I keep books within easy reach everywhere we might sit down. We have a collection in the living room, in the upstairs hallway, in the loft, and even a compilation in the car. No matter where we are, it's easy to make a choice that feels good.

So much of life and motherhood is hard. Make things easy when you can.

8. Make your goals interruptible.

Moms often have an almost compulsive need to tidy wherever we go. Perhaps it's because so much of our lives can feel out of control, unpredictable, or full? 

When it comes to your goals, however, there's a benefit to leaving things out rather than always putting them away. When the activation energy to pick something back up feels high, we're less likely to do it. If we can just clip in and go, we often will.

One example from my life: I keep all of my watercolor supplies in a single bag so that I have everything I need when I want to paint. Also, I keep my vases on an easy-to-reach shelf in the kitchen so that bringing in a clipping from the yard never feels overwhelming.

9. Name and celebrate tiny wins.

Make a family habit of noticing and celebrating tiny wins. (This is also a great way to invite your kids into your goals, as we discussed above!) Over dinner on Friday, Sunday, or whenever works for your schedule, go around the table and ask everyone to name a win for the week: an action step they took, feedback they received, something they learned. Even little kids can do this, in age-appropriate language!

If you want to go a step further, ask kids to name a failure, too. Sara Blakely, founder of Spanx, has shared that her dad did this growing up; she credits it as part of the fuel for her entrepreneurial fire.

10. Hold it all loosely and remind yourself of the big picture often. 

For some, I know this advice might feel foreign and really, really hard—but I consider it a key reason why I have been able to continue to pursue goals for so long with such joy. Here it is: hold it all loosely. Life is long, hopefully. Many things are unimportant. Figure out what's actually really important in the big picture (your PowerSheets® can help you do this) and go after that hard. If you've put a deposit into that big picture each day, be satisfied. Treat everything else like the bonus it is. 

It is not always easy to set goals as a mom, but it can be a great joy. I hope these ten tips are an encouragement! You are doing good work, and we're cheering you on.

P.S. Goal setting mom? You might love these resources!
How to Cultivate What Matters with Your Pre-Teens and Teens
Goal Setting When Pregnant or as a New Mom
The Family Workbook